Awake Dreaming

November 1st, 2010

It's extremely hard to comprehend what just happened. My sister, Virginia passed away suddenly at the age of thirty-eight on October 28th , 2010. She leaves behind a husband and two small children, Ian and Sonia. There are no words. I don't want to write some kind of cheesy poem or long tirade about how angry I am at the world but I just simply need to express how I'm feeling. This video diary is the place for that.

I sometimes sit in silence, with the television on mute, I sit and stare at the TV blankly. I'm not really watching I guess. I'm not really processing. It's a distraction so I don't need to think about the pain.

Nights are the hardest part, laying in silence thinking about you, growing up with you, and how you're gone. I won't be seeing you at the next family gathering. It gets hard to fall asleep. I lay there thinking and thinking and thinking what if?

I don't like silence and I like to keep myself very busy. It's the dead silence that scares me.

I am coping the way I know how, by documenting my grieving process, by taking the camera to document what I've been going through since you departed us. Maybe that's a way I can feel close to you, by documenting all your things, people and places that surrounded you. These are the fragments of you.